Boundaries

Do you often feel like people take advantage of you? Are you seen as the person who 'won't mind' or 'will let it go' or even just someone who is, for want of a better word... a pushover?

I am this person. I didn't understand why until I really looked into how people were treating me and realised, I wasn't being clear in setting my boundaries.

Boundaries don't make you selfish, they are there to protect you and help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others. Be this at work, dating, friendship, family etc.

Now I have had to think about this A LOT. I don't like confrontation, I don't like letting people down, and I want to live in a happy and calm environment. I then realised, how the hell can I do this if I haven't set my boundaries? If I don't know where the line in the sand is, as to what I will and won't accept, then how has anyone else got a chance to understand what is and isn't acceptable to me?

Setting personal boundaries is like putting up a cosy fence around your emotional garden. It helps you define what feels good and safe - looking after the flowers, while keeping out what doesn’t - getting rid of the weeds.

Where I am particularly bad with setting boundaries is with the 'floaters'. The floaters are those people who you have maybe been in touch with or even had a little romance with in the past, and then because of this, they think they can keep coming back into your life. It's almost like they think - oh she's single so I could try to have some fun with her, she won't mind. And because I feel uncomfortable being blunt or to the point, I try to let my feelings known but without causing any hurt. Note to self - the majority of these people won't be 'hurt', they will simply move on to the next poor unsuspecting person to get that attention they need.

Recently I have had some messages, from out of the blue (we are talking after no contact for months and even years) from men which were simply put, downright NOT OK! They made me feel really uncomfortable. In the past, I haven't been able to ignore, delete or block these people like any right-minded person would. Because it makes ME feel bad! ME? Why am I feeling bad? It's because I don't want to 'upset the applecart'. So maybe I would reply with a laughing emoji, or I try to change the subject. Then I asked myself, why do I feel like it is me causing an awkward situation? They have brought this situation to me. They have involved me and therefore I am completely within my rights to say, 'No, this isn't ok'. And I can do this however I want. I don't have to be rude, but I do have to be honest and if they can't handle that, then I will now allow myself to delete these people from my life. So yeah, life lessons! But you will be pleased to know, I am doing much better at setting my boundaries, it can still make me feel uncomfortable, but I am getting there! It's quite liberating actually!

So if you are like me dear reader, please remember, it’s perfectly fine to protect your space and heart!